305 - Day 3

So yesterday was the first day on the diet. I did not have to hard of a time in the morning for I was sick most of the morning. but after I had a nap I felt a lot better. I did not cheat the whole day! I am very proud of my self for that! But I do have to admit it was hard for I at about 6 and by 9 I felt like I was starving. So I ended up going to bed early so I would not cheat. I know it sounds lame but I dont have good self control at all! Today has gone better I have not felt as hungry today but I have be CRAVING SURGAR! I dont get why, I guess all the srugar is starting to leave my body and so now my body wants it! I am hoping things will go better for me from now on. I dont like that I feel starving all the time, but unfortunatly there is not a lot that I can do about that right now. I want to be skinny. Part of my problem is I dont see my self as skinny or see my self as ever being skinny. And that scares me, I am wondering if I am doing this to prove to my self that I can be skinny. ( By me saying "be skinny" I mean being a smaller size and healthier) I want to feel better about my self I want to be able to sit on seats with out worring that I am going to break them, I want to be able to ride the roller coasters at lagoon with out having to be squished in them, I want to be able to ride in a plane with out having my hips be squished and asking for a seat belt extention. I dont want to go to my 10 year high school reunion being as big as I am now. I want to be cute! It has been hard though for Jeremy will offer me food that I cant have or he was going to the store to get something and he asked me if I wanted any thing. I was surprised I turned him down both times. I did not know I had that in me. Tomorrow will be the true test. We will be going to my moms house for dinner. I will be bringing my own food, but I just really hope I can say no to her yummy food!

302!

So today I took my second shot, I have to say that I like my results all ready! I got on the scale this morning and it said that I lost 8 pounds all ready! I had to weigh my self three times to make sure be each time it was eight pounds less then yesterday! Yes! I hope I can do this through the whole diet! Yesterday was my last loading day, So I basically ate every thing I wont be able to eat while on this diet, I ate my Dark Chocolates I ate ice cream, and macaroni and cheese I had hot dogs. I thought for sure I would gain weight yesterday for if you eat any thing with surger or starch you are supposed to gain weight and it said that I already lost 8 pounds! So today is the first day that I will be eating healthy. I have to admit that i am scared. I am so nervous that I am going to feel hungry or starving and then I will forget I am on my diet and I will just go to the cupbord and find something to eat. I made my self some signs yesterday telling me what I can eat and I am going to be taping them around the kitchen, so hopefully I will see them and remember that I am on the diet. I am still scared that I am going to eat what they tell me to eat and then I will still be starving. I was told that HCG kills your appetite but I guess my appetite is so huge that I am afraid that the amount of food they are telling me to eat wont be enough. But I have to have faith that this will work, I have to remember why I am doing it and not think about my stomach the whole time. I have to admit that it feels really good that when I looked at the scale and it said I had lost 8 pounds that had me floored! I am hoping and praying that will keep me going through out the day!

310

This morning I started my new diet! I hope and pray that this will work I have never done any thing so drastic. I have done the Atkins diet, lost weight while I was on it, I have done the south beach diet, I got lost in that one, I have done the slim fast diet, that one tasted better but never lost any weight on it. I have never had the money to do Jenny Craig or weight watchers. So I am off to trying my hands at the HCG diet. I am so scared for you cant mess up on this diet. And knowing me I probubly will. But I have a great friend who hooked me up with the HCG and she is willing to help me through this. I have started calling her the Nazi as a joke for every day she is telling me how and where we are going to work out. I dont mind for if I did not have her there pushing me I would not do it. So on Monday I went over to her house did 5 minutes one the tread mill ( I know that is not a lot of time, but I was almost running on it) I did around 75 sit ups, and lifted weights, so all in all every thing took me about and hour worth of working out. On Tuesday she and her friend came to pick me up for my surprise. Well needless to say was not a very fun surprise,(it was fun in the sence of we were laughing the whole time, but not fun in the actule working out scence) So they came and picked the girls and I up, and then drove us up to Unity Pass, (about three and a half miles from our home) We parked the car there, then walked home. That was not as bad as I thought it was going to be, I did not start hurting until we got to the school by our house. We had a blast on that walk, welll yesterday was a rest and a loading day. So greatful for the rest, because my legs were so sore I could not even stand up with out screaming out, but I noticed that once I did stand up and get walking my legs did not hurt, but as soon as I layed down or sat down I was in sever pain again. So I went walking for like 30 minutes yesterday just so I could try and streach out my musles. Well today is the day that I started my first shot and is my last day of loading. Today we are going back to the top of unity pass and walking it again. I know I will be in a ton of pain but I just need to work through it I need to just deal with it so I can get skinny. I am greatful that I have friends who are willing to help me out with my loosing the weight. If I did not have them behind me pushing and shoving me I would not do any thing and I would continue to balloon up. I am sick of being my size. I want to get skinny. I have 4 friends who are willing to help me with it. I have one friend who is willing to do Zumba with me 2 days a week ( I will start doing that once I get the money to do that) I have another friend who wish willing to walk with me whenever I want (hopefuly every day but sundays) then I have my friends who I call the Nazis (but I do it with love) who are not only pushing me (hard) on the walking thing they are also willing do lift weights and other things with me so I am not just walking the whole time. I am still very stressed about my weight, I stood on the scale today and it told me my weight, I told my husband "Jeremy the scale is lying to me again" He just laughed. But I am really sick of this weight and I have to do something!

HOPE AND PRAY FOR ME THAT THIS WILL WORK!

Monday August 23, 2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: Egg rolls
What I had for LUNCH: a bowl of cinnimon toast crunch and sandwich
What I had for DINNER: casadilla
What I had for SNACKS: none
What were my cravings for the day? cookie dough and cake batter
Did I fall in to my cravings? no because I was to lazy to make either, maybe for this case it is good that I can be lazy
How much WATER did I drink today? 0
How much POP did I drink today? 1 can of coke
How much JUICE did I drink today? 0
How much EXERCISE did I do today? 1/2
What CHORES did I do today? One batch of laundry
How much do I weigh tonight?

I am doing better with eating every meal, but I know its still not the best food. but hey at least I am trying not to skip meals any more. I have been under a ton of stress lately so I think that might be why it is so hard just to even get one pound off! But I have to keep on trying. I am losing my will to do this, I feel like giving up, I was so much happier when I wasnt checking my weight every week, and when I wasnt trying to watch what I eat but I guess this is what I get for not doing that for so many years! I know I need to keep it up but my motivation is getting flushed faster then I can stop it. I need to live, I WANT TO LIVE!

Thursday, August 19,2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich
What I had for LUNCH: Nothing we all slept through lunch time.
What I had for DINNER: Hamburger helper and scallop patatos
What I had for SNACKS: None
What were my cravings for the day? None
Did I fall in to my cravings? Nope
How much WATER did I drink today? 4 or 5 glasses
How much POP did I drink today? 0
How much JUICE did I drink today? 20 oz
How much EXERCISE did I do today? 15 min
What CHORES did I do today? Easy day today mostly slept
How much do I weigh tonight?

Had an easy day today for the most part which is a first time in a long time for me. It was nice to take it easy. Tomorrow going for another walk with the neighbor. If the kids are up in time will go in the morning if not I will be going at night. I found I like walking with some one and talking while I walk it is very nice keeps my mind off the pain I have in my legs. I also like that she is trying to challenge me! Lots of chores to do tomorrow! So it will be a busy day for Jeremy will be working 18 hours again.
I want to live, I NEED TO LIVE!

To answer ?s

Maggi-
We have donuts and Icecream because Jeremys parents gave them to us. Other wise we wont have it in the house, yep I take Ashley Casaya and Peanut on a walk with me!


Kaylynn-
Again no buying donuts. But we also did not buy the hot dogs we got them from the store house. We do buy coke for Jeremy takes them to work every day. Yes we try to buy the stuff you mentioned but if we do they usuly go to Ashley first.

Tuesday, August, 17, 2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: 1/2 chicken enchalada
What I had for LUNCH: 2 hot dogs with out buns
What I had for DINNER: Biskets and country gravy
What I had for SNACKS: A donate and an Ice cream bar
What were my cravings for the day? surgar
Did I fall in to my cravings? unfortinatly yes
How much WATER did I drink today? a ton! I am not sure but I am pretty sure around 25 glasses full. Having to pee my pants every 1/2 hour!
How much POP did I drink today? 1 can of coke!
How much JUICE did I drink today? 0
How much EXERCISE did I do today? Did not go walking today
What CHORES did I do today? 8 batches of laundry washed and put away, cleaned out the kids drawers and got out the clothes that are to small for them, cleaned thier rooms and gave the dog a bath.
How much do I weigh tonight? 308

Man it is hard to get back in to the habbit of somthing when you got out of it! I am going to try and do better!
Well I keep on gaining weight my neighber keeps on telling me not to worry for I may be loosing the weight but gaining musle. For my sake I really REALLY hope that is what is happening right now! I have been walking for at least and hour almost every day. Some days I will walk for two or three hours. Still trying to eat healthy which is getting hard again for we have no food in the house. We are waiting for another food order, but we can get one for a few weeks for we have to talk to the bishop or somthing like that, so we are just praying Casayas food will hold out! But we are still trying to eat healthy for what we have in the house.I have been trying to cut out a lot of surgar in my diet. Every time I start craving it I try to go for a piece of bread or something like that. Does not always work but hey at least I try right?
I want to live, I NEED TO LIVE!