305 - Day 3

So yesterday was the first day on the diet. I did not have to hard of a time in the morning for I was sick most of the morning. but after I had a nap I felt a lot better. I did not cheat the whole day! I am very proud of my self for that! But I do have to admit it was hard for I at about 6 and by 9 I felt like I was starving. So I ended up going to bed early so I would not cheat. I know it sounds lame but I dont have good self control at all! Today has gone better I have not felt as hungry today but I have be CRAVING SURGAR! I dont get why, I guess all the srugar is starting to leave my body and so now my body wants it! I am hoping things will go better for me from now on. I dont like that I feel starving all the time, but unfortunatly there is not a lot that I can do about that right now. I want to be skinny. Part of my problem is I dont see my self as skinny or see my self as ever being skinny. And that scares me, I am wondering if I am doing this to prove to my self that I can be skinny. ( By me saying "be skinny" I mean being a smaller size and healthier) I want to feel better about my self I want to be able to sit on seats with out worring that I am going to break them, I want to be able to ride the roller coasters at lagoon with out having to be squished in them, I want to be able to ride in a plane with out having my hips be squished and asking for a seat belt extention. I dont want to go to my 10 year high school reunion being as big as I am now. I want to be cute! It has been hard though for Jeremy will offer me food that I cant have or he was going to the store to get something and he asked me if I wanted any thing. I was surprised I turned him down both times. I did not know I had that in me. Tomorrow will be the true test. We will be going to my moms house for dinner. I will be bringing my own food, but I just really hope I can say no to her yummy food!