Sunday, July 25th,2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: A glass of chocholate milk
What I had for LUNCH: A turkey sandwich
What I had for DINNER: Pork burrito, watermelon and nachos
What I had for SNACKS: a creamie
What were my cravings for the day? Chocholate
Did I fall in to my cravings? Yes had a creamie
How much WATER did I drink today? 1 glass
How much POP did I drink today? 2 swallows (shared with Jer and he drank most of it)
How much JUICE did I drink today? One glass full of7 up with fresh limes squeezed in it
How much EXERCISE did I do today? Not much
What CHORES did I do today? none went to my moms instead
How much do I weigh tonight?

Still under a lot of stress but dont feel so much like crawling in a hole any more, which is good I guess. I got rid of Ashley for a few days. She is at my moms for a "Princess Party" So I am hoping to get more excersize since she will be gone. I am also hoping to get more chores done! The first of the family is commin in on Tuesday, so we will go and see them on Wednesday. Then the rest will be comming in some time after that. I will not always get to a computer, I will try my hardest, but no garentees. We will be staying at my moms house for the next few weeks while family is in town, so I might be able to update it, that is if I dont get home to late and go strait to bed. So know that I will still be watching what I eat, but I will be getting a lot more excersize, dont know what the family has planned, but I know that one day they want to do Lagoon or Raging Waters. So lots of excersize there. Plus we will be going to lots of free places like Wheeler Farm and Liberty park, and the gateway. I cant wait! I know it will be stressful for me having family in town, but I need to remember, this week is not about me, it is about them, So I need to learn to keep my trap closed even if I dont agree, but I also need to remember, not to turn in to my shell and close down, I need to try and have fun and not worry about what every one else thinks! So yes it will be stressful but I will have fun also! I want to live, I NEED TO LIVE!

Thursday, July 23, 2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: Surgerie hotcakes
What I had for LUNCH: a buritto
What I had for DINNER: A roast, mashed patatos, and carrots
What I had for SNACKS: Raisins and one chips ahoy cookie, and grapes
What were my cravings for the day? chocholate
Did I fall in to my cravings? Sort of I had two glasses of chocholate milk, does that count?
How much WATER did I drink today? 1 glass
How much POP did I drink today? 1 coke
How much JUICE did I drink today? 0
How much EXERCISE did I do today? 0
What CHORES did I do today? put food away
How much do I weigh tonight?

So I have not been doing to well with the excersize I have been really depressed lately and it seems like all I want to do is sleep and cry not sure why. I have a few ideas why but. I dont know, right now it is just really bad and I am trying to hold it together, does not help that right now I feel like I should go see a therapist. Just so I can talk to some one with out being judged. I dont know. But tomorrow is a new day and I hope I wake up on the right side of the bed so I can get back on the treadmill and walk this stupid weight away. I am trying to eat healthier, not skip meals. But it seems like I keep on adding weight on any ways, and people keep on telling me I am doing it wrong. I am trying my hardest, I am new at this. Its very frustrating to try and change your whole life style around in a few short days, when I have lived like this my whole life. I wish I could just go and get lap band, then that way I wont be able to eat surgur and I will all ways have a small stomach so I cant eat very much. Not like I eat a ton now any ways but I still would like to have it done any one have an extra 15000.00 laying around some were so I can go and get the surgery done? I just need to find out what is kick starting this depression and fix it. I think some of it is, my husband works between 15-18 hours a day. I see him work so hard get so little sleep and every thing he struggles through, and we still have no flippin money, we dont go out to dinner,movie,amusement parks,museums. Andy thing like that, we dont spend any money on any thing unless we absolutely need it. So why in the heck do we still have no money? Oh ya we also pay our tithing. So I dont know I know that is just one of the things that is really bothering me right now. But I need to find out what else is eating a way at me and fix that. I need to figure out how to get out of this rut and move on so I will have the motivation to keep excersizing and getting healthier, not only for my self but also for my family. I want to live, I NEED TO LIVE!

? for people reading this

I am surching the net for info about weight loss pills. I am looking to jump start the weightloss. I dont want to rely on them to loose all the weight. I just want to get it started. Any one heard of any good companys or pills?

Monday, july 19th, 2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: A bowl of watermelon
What I had for LUNCH: A casadilla with cheese, tomatos, and onions
What I had for DINNER: Peanutbutter and jelly sandwich and a small slice of pizza
What I had for SNACKS: none
What were my cravings for the day? chocholate
Did I fall in to my cravings? no
How much WATER did I drink today? about 1/2 gallen
How much POP did I drink today? 1/2 can
How much JUICE did I drink today? none
How much EXERCISE did I do today? 1800steps=10min
What CHORES did I do today? rearanged my bedroom

Had a hard day, some people telling me I am never going to loose the weight. I am trying my hardest and I cant go from what I am doing now to all of the sudden eating what a 110 pound person does. It is going to take time for me to get there. It is also going to take time for learn how to eat healthy I am trying my hardest. I want to live, I NEED TO LIVE!

Sunday, July 18th, 2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: Nothing
What I had for LUNCH: A couple of animal crackers
What I had for DINNER: Pizza watermelon, Salad
What I had for SNACKS:
What were my cravings for the day? none
Did I fall in to my cravings?na
How much WATER did I drink today? 2 glasses
How much POP did I drink today? 1/2 can shared with Jeremy
How much JUICE did I drink today? 5 glasses of slushie lemonaid
How much EXERCISE did I do today? 15 min 1139 steps = 10 min on treadmill
What CHORES did I do today? none
How much do I weigh tonight? 302

I have not been slacking on my weight loss stuff, I have been so tired at night I just go to bed and pass out. Yesterday I went yard sale shopping with my mom for 4 hours! Lots of walking out in the heat! I am starting to get frustrated for I excersize every day and the weight is not coming off. Yes I know I need to excersize more often and longer during the day. But as of right now I do 10 min on the treadmill I get off and I get really light headed and dizzy. My husband said it is cause I dont drink enough water so my body is throwing fits. I dont know. I am trying my hardest I just have to keep on praying that the weight will come off. We were finally able to score a food order from the church so we will get our fruits veggies meats formulas and diapers on Wednesday! I can not wait! Any one have some good, easy and fast recipes? I only know how to cook like three dishes! And I am pretty sure Jeremy is sick of those by now! I want to live, I NEED TO LIVE!

Tuesday, July 13,2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: A bowl of reeses cereal.
What I had for LUNCH: Toast
What I had for DINNER:Braughtworst
What I had for SNACKS: creamie
What were my cravings for the day? chocolate
Did I fall in to my cravings? sort of had a chocolate dipped creamie
How much WATER did I drink today? 1 glass
How much POP did I drink today? 1 can
How much JUICE did I drink today? 1 glass
How much EXERCISE did I do today? 10 min
What CHORES did I do today? Nothing much but I did get out the high chair and scrub it down from top to bottom.

I slacked today I have to admit that I did not slack in the eating department but I did slack in the excersize department. I waited and waited for Ashley to take a nap so I could get on the treadmill, and by the time she finally went down, I went down also! Oops my bad, but with all the stress I have been under lately I know sleep is what I need right now, that and excersize, I will do better tomorrow. I want to live, I NEED TO LIVE!

Monday, July 12,2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: a bowl of honey bunches of oats with almonds
What I had for LUNCH: a turkey sandwich
What I had for DINNER: 1/2 casadia and ramon
What I had for SNACKS: 1 creamie
What were my cravings for the day? chocholate
Did I fall in to my cravings? sort of I had a mint creamie that had a chocholate shell on it.
How much WATER did I drink today? a glass
How much POP did I drink today? 1 can of coke
How much JUICE did I drink today? 1/2 glass of rasberry lemondaid
How much EXERCISE did I do today? 20 mins=2137 steps on treadmill
What CHORES did I do today? fold and put away clothes, and water lawn
How much do I weigh tonight?

So I used my tread mill for the first time today! I finally got it. But the first time of using it I learned not to do it with out shoes for you can get blisters! Oh well I still love it! Its harder then I thought to go 30 mins straight so I broke it up into 10 min segments for now, until I can work up until thirty min stragiht. The first time I got done with they treadmill I felt like I was going to pass out. I think it is cause of the heat and how fast I was going. I did not take it slow on the treadmill. So what did I do the secound time? I went faster. Still dizzy but I did a little better. Thats what I hope to do every time I get on, I hope to get better and better. I want to live, I NEED TO LIVE!

Saturday, July 10th, 2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: Way to much my mom took my family out to golden caral
What I had for LUNCH:2 cookies and some nuts
What I had for DINNER: ramon
What I had for SNACKS:
What were my cravings for the day? none to stuffed from breakfast
Did I fall in to my cravings?na
How much WATER did I drink today?1 glass
How much POP did I drink today?1 glass
How much JUICE did I drink today? 0
How much EXERCISE did I do today? 1 hour
What CHORES did I do today? watered lawn and went yard saling
How much do I weigh tonight? I will do this once a week


So today I was horrible for my mom offered to take us out to breakfast. And then during lunch I was at a bridal shower. So I did not do good today, but hey there will always be tom!
And to answer some of your quistions I have not been eating fruits and veggies for we can not afford them right now, it is either that or formula and diapers, So of course I will get the stuff for my daughter first. I can survive on ramon and other stuff until we can afford the healthy stuff again
I WANT TO LIVE, I NEED TO LIVE!

Friday, July 9th,2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: a bowl of honey bunches of oats with almonds
What I had for LUNCH: ramon
What I had for DINNER:2.5 hot dogs with honey mustered
What I had for SNACKS: 1 creamie, 1 hostess cup cake, 2 pieces of toast
What were my cravings for the day? Chocholate
Did I fall in to my cravings? Yep had the creamie
How much WATER did I drink today? maybe two cups? I am going to try and start drinking 1/2 gallon a day, that is just to start.
How much POP did I drink today? None
How much JUICE did I drink today? None
How much EXERCISE did I do today? Not quite sure went up and down the stairs a ton of times. And I have steap stairs.
What CHORES did I do today? Two batches of laundry and watered the lawn.
How much do I weigh tonight? I dont want to know but hear it goes... 302 up four pounds. Can that really happen gain four pounds in a day? I dont think so dumb scale!

I went to look at my treadmill today! I love it, the lady said she would deliver it tom! I cant wait to have it and to start using it! No more being lazy for me! Hopefuly this will help relieave some of my stress. I get mad at my kids or stressed with how messy the house is I can go and walk until I dont feel stressed any more, then that way my kids will still be with me, but I can have them go watch a movie or go to sleep while I work out! I dont have to worry about doing it when they are awake, or the dead of the heat or when it is dark at night. I will not be limited to when I can excersize! I can do it when it is convinent for me! I wont have to worry about finding a baby sitter to go to golds gym or what ever work out places there are, not that I can afford that any way. This will help relive me of so many of my limitations! I cant wait! I know my husband does not think I can or that I will do this. But I NEED to do this! I need to get healthy for my kids and for my self! I want to live dang it! I WANT TO LIVE!

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

What I had to BREAKFAST: Four pieces of bread with mayonase and chips on them to make a sandwich.
What I had for LUNCH: None
What I had for DINNER: I had two cheddar worst. One on a bun with ranch dressing, the other I ate with honey mustered
What I had for SNACKS:1 heresy dark chocolate kiss.
What were my cravings for the day? Chocolate, cookies
Did I fall in to my cravings? Yes I had both, but I made one of thous betty crocker bags of cookie mix and ate that through out the day. Sadly to say its all gone
How much WATER did I drink today? Maybe one glass?
How much POP did I drink today? One swallow! Then I put it back in the fridge, It was a Red vault.
How much JUICE did I drink today? I had one glass full of Raspberry Lemonaide.
How much EXERCISE did I do today? None
What CHORES did I do today? I picked up my room, washed three batches of laundry and folded and put them away.

I hope I can do this! I want to be able to loose the weight! I will hopefully get my treadmill tomorrow! I want to be able to say yes I excersize! I want to be skinny. My goal is not a size 2 I will be happy if I even get down to a size 18, but my over all goal is a size 16! I hope this will work! Please leave me a message so I can have support other wise I might fail! I cant afford to do that LITTERLY my life is at stake here!

First post

I will hopefuly be getting my treadmill tommarow! I am making this blog to keep my self honest. I figure if I am honest with my self maybe I can get something done. If you are going to read this blog and laugh at me about my size dont read it. This is me being true to my self, putting my feelings out there. I want to be able to loose the weight for my kids. I want to be able to fit in a ride at lagoon with out them trying to stuff me into the ride. I want to be able to sit on a seat on the bus with out hanging over the edge. I would like to be able to sit on a seat with out worring if I am going to break it or not. I would like to sit on a seat that has sides on it with out it squishing my legs. I would like to walk down the road with out people pointing at me saying look there goes the fat lady! I want to LIVE! And I want to have fun doing it!